The dinner that wasn't
by Rdyest
Summary: Yuzu suddenly finds herslef alone... but is she? Oneshot. Sort of crackish.


"Dinner's ready!" Yuzu called out, her voice echoing strangely in the empty house.

"Hmm…" Yuzu thought hard for a moment and then realised that the house shouldn't be empty.

"Karin? Ichigo? Dad?"

She raced around to each of their rooms and checked for signs of recent habitation, but there were none to be found.

"Aww man… how long have they been gone for?" She wondered.

"Where is everyone?!" She wailed.

Meanwhile, Grimmjow was trying to get the frantic girl's attention.

"Dammit!" He growled in frustration. "Why did those three lunatics get me to deliver a message to this chick? She can't even bloody see me!"

He waved his hand uselessly in front of her face, with no reaction.

"Why did I agree to this?!" He grumbled

And Yuzu ran forward into him, knocking him off balance.

"Hey, who are you?"

"Oh, so you can see me now can you, about bloody time, stupid kid."

Yuzu glared at him.

"You're a pervert, aren't you, how long have you been here?" She demanded.

"I am not! I haven't been here that long! Ichigo and those other two goofs sent me to give you a message!"

Yuzu looked at him curiously.

"Are you Ichigo's pet?"

"What!? Hell no!!"

"Fine, what's the message then?"

"Um…" Grimmjow paused.

"I forgot."

Yuzu slapped him.

"Ow! What was that for?"

"Fat lot of good you are, what sort of pathetic messenger forgets his message?"

Grimmjow scowled.

"I didn't ask to be insulted, goodbye."

"Wait! Who's gonna eat all this food?" Yuzu asked looking over at the numerous pots of steaming goodness that sat on the stove.

Grimmjow shrugged.

"Not me."

"Why not?"

"I'm… not hungry."

"Liar, eat something!"

"…"

"Why is your hair blue?"

"…I don't know."

"Why do you have teeth on your cheek?"

Grimmjow snarled

"Why do you have to keep asking stupid questions?!"

Yuzu poked him on his extra teeth.

"Oi!"

"Hey!" Yuzu exclaimed, "You have a hole in you stomach!"

"So what? It's not like—Hey!! Woah! Stop that!!"

Yuzu removed her arm from his hole sulkily.

"What did you do that for!?"

"Why not? It's fun to poke!"

"You can't poke it, it's a hole."

Yuzu stuck her tongue out at him, and just to prove her point, stuck her whole arm through his hole and picked up a spoon from the bench behind him.

Grimmjow shuddered.

"Must you?" He complained, "that's really… awkward…"

Yuzu shrugged and shoved the spoon in his face.

"I'm not letting the food go to waste."

"I'm not eating it."

They stood in what is called a Mexican-stand-off for quite sometime, until Yuzu again began to ask strange and irrelevant questions.

"How come I couldn't see you before?"

Okay, so maybe not entirely irrelevant…

"Umm…" Grimmjow fished around inside his head for an answer. Then Yuzu provided one for him.

"Are you a ghost?"

Grimmjow leapt on this lucky break.

"Yeah, sorta, yeah… I'm a ghost."

"Really, you don't look like a ghost."

"What does a ghost look like?"

"Why only sorta a ghost?"

"Well…"

"I've got it!"

Grimmjow looked at her in surprise, but didn't try and stop her from rambling.

"You were a ghost who was saved by Ichigo and now you are his loyal pet who does everything he says!!"

Grimmjow was, understandably, horrified.

"What!!!! Where did you get that idea from? I'm not his bloody pet!!! Why would you say that?!"

"You look like a cat."

"So?"

They stood in silence for a while longer until Grimmjow finally gave up.

"See ya." He said stepping around Yuzu and heading for the window in Ichigo's room that he had broken into to gain access to the house.

Yuzu, however, was very persistent.

"What's your name?"

Grimmjow sighed

"My name is Grimmjow."

He turned to try and escape again

"Aren't you gonna ask me my name?"

"No"

"Why not?"

"Cos I already know it."

Yuzu gasped.

"I knew it! You're a paedophile, stalker man!!!"

"No, you're brother told me."

"Oh, that's right. As Ichigo's pet I'm sure he tells you lots of stuff."

Grimmjow froze.

'Don't kill the girl, don't kill the girl, kill Ichigo, yes, kill Ichigo, the bastard.' Grimmjow's thoughts swirled angrily around in his head. His hand itched to get Pantera out of its sheath and cut the head of the stupid little girl.

"Hey, Grimm-Kitty…"

Grimmjow's head snapped around

"What did you call me?"

Grimmjow was looking very evil.

Yuzu faltered for the first time since realising that Grimmjow was there.

"um… well… I just thought…"

She trailed off and just looked in terror at Grimmjow's gleaming teeth.

"You are a cat, aren't you?"

"ARGHH!!!" Grimmjow yelled, "I can't take it any more! You stupid girl! Your big brother's not here to protect you, you know! You wanna know what I am, you really wanna know!!!?"

Yuzu watched this outburst in state of shock, and then nodded slightly.

"I think I might know…" she said quietly.

"YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING!!!!!" Grimmjow roared.

"You don't take anger management classes do you?"

"No."

"It shows."

Grimmjow's eye twitched slightly.

"Well, if you know so much, why don't you hurry up and tell me what you are." Yuzu said calmly.

"Fine." Grimmjow snapped. "I'm an Espada, see." He pointed at the 6 tattoo on his back.

"What does that mean?"

Grimmjow's next potential outburst was interrupted by Ichigo, Karin and Ishiin coming in the front door.

"Oh, hi!" Yuzu said happily going to greet her family.

"Hey!" Said Karin, did you get our message?"

Ichigo looked at Grimmjow skulking up the stairs. "Did she?" He asked, the question directed at the Espada's retreating back.

"Nope!" Said Yuzu, "What was it?"

Ichigo sighed. "That we'd gone shopping and wouldn't be long." He glared accusingly at Grimmjow.

"What?" Grimmjow asked defensively, "How could expect me to remember something as innocent as that?"

"It's okay!" Yuzu grinned at Grimmjow. "I made a new friend!"

Ichigo and Ishiin looked at each other over the girl's head.

Grimmjow looked at her awkwardly.

"Yeah, well… bye." With that he took off out the front door.

"Hey Ichigo?" Yuzu asked.

"What?"

"What's an Espada?"

Ichigo looked at the ceiling in despair. This was going to be a long day.


End file.
